When It’s Over, Is It really Over?

It’s so interesting how one picture, song, or line from a movie can refute what you’ve convinced yourself you’re over with or more so have forgotten for the past years. Then you suddenly find yourself wallowing in familiar emotions you thought have long spared you. You feel a familiar sting in your heart, although not enough to bring you to tears. You pause for a moment and argue with yourself, “I thought you’re over this?” Unfortunately, I have found myself in this sad position recently. (Hence, the desire to blog about it.)


 I think I need to practice more the art convincing myself that these “feelings” are mere normal physiological reactions, that this does not mean that I still have feelings for a particular person, or worse, harbouring some sort of grudge and frustation against him. Still I cannot disregard the fact that these reactions must have been triggered by something, right? Should I be worried that someone I’ve supposedly gotten over with can still stir these “feelings” in me—which honestly resembles a bad stomach? Is it really my feelings for that person that triggered such emotions or are these just a recoil from a reality I’ve been avoiding?


These random mumbo jumbos remind me of Dr. Temperance Brennan’s line in a forgettable episode of Bones when asked if she’s okay that Sergeant Booth has a girlfriend, “I will not rely to the transient nature of chemicals my happiness.” 


My memories may trigger feelings or as Dr. Brennan would aptly call “chemical reactions.” But I am bigger than my emotions, as a dear friend reminded me once. These chemical reactions may bring me back to my past or remind me of unrealized hopes and dreams about the future, but I can still choose how these can affect my present. My past nor my future can affect, or even hurt me, without my consent, as a famous qoute from Eleonor Roosevelt says. Ultimately, I am still the master of my emotions. I may feel “stomach aches” every now and then, but as long as I do not pay too much attention to them, they are no harm.


I may still be on the middle of a long-running process of painstakingly forgetting a history etched in my memory, but at least I know I’m running in the right direction. And more importantly, at least I have finally reconciled with myself that I am no slave of my emotions anymore. :)

-from my other blog account: http://purejoytravels.blogspot.com/